it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
