well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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