the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
