Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize