fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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