Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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