I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
