I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
