That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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