I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
