You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize