Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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