Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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