Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize