anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
