He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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