hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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