I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize