I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
