Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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