Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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