How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize