You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
