I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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