i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
