Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
