So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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