I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
