Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize