Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
