i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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