Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Houston, we have a blender
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
