Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize