you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
