I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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