Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
