this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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