But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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