I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
