Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
