Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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