are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
