I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
