Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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