Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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