The maid of honor just puked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
