I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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