I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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