Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
