i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
