Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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