we should wear snuggies to the strip club
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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