Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Randomize
