Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There's even glitter on my cock...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
