Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize