and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
