I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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