She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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