it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
