it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
