Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize