South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't deserve a penis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
