I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
