i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
