she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
