The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
