I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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