You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
