I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
