I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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