I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
