I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
