Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
