I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
