shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
