i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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