i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
