Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize