i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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