You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
