I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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