Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
