Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
