we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
