On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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