you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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