Define "chronic" masturbator.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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