you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
