He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize