found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
