just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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