I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
