lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
