I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
