he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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