You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
