what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
