I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
