I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
