PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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