Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i think i just lost a toe
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
