I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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