i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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