Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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