i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
