Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize