Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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