Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
