since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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