What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
