I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
